Questions?!? Confusing Facts? What is this?

Hey! This is more of a rant than anything else, not really something interesting about me life or something funny. Nope! I'm just an angry little girl who needs to vent. Some things are just questions that no one seems to want to answer. I ask and I ask but no one either, 1. knows the answer, 2. knows how to answer, as in put it into words, or 3. wants to answer.


People, especially my mom are forcing me, yeah thats basically it, forcing me, to love people that I really have no desire to love. One would be two of my little sisters. Yes, I know its mean and cruel and just about everything else. But I'm so sick and tired of them being little brats and never getting in trouble. Or how my mom always defends them. Maybe its because when they get into trouble she forgives them right away and never gives them any tough love or anything. Me? I get in trouble and my mom hates me for days. I never seem to do anything right in her eyes. Well, maybe its just a common teen age feeling. It probably is and since Im a teen ager Im over exatrating just to draw attention to myself. I seem to do that a lot you know. But wait! Theres more. She also wants me to love my ex-boyfriend. Why? Because she loves him and wants him to be happy. I dont hate him, and he never did anything really wrong. Nothing more than have a relationship with me. When I think about it, I dont know why we HAD to be together right then. It may have ruined our chances for actually having a future together. Probably. So yea, right now I'm not feeling too much love toward him, maybe because I'm hiding it, maybe because its lost. Who Knows?!!

Now on the the topic of religion. Yikes! I know I know, why did I have to bring religion into this? Or why am I even thinking about it. A couple of things, really, I'm pretty sure they're important. Question (because these are really questions that no one has answered for various reasons) uno: If God doesnt care about us, why would he bother making us? Or why should we believe in a god who doesnt care? Example: My little brother died this last February and I;ve really, really struggled with it. So I was talking to me friend the other day and she told me, "God doesnt care what you want. He knew that Sammy was going to die before Chunky (my little sister) was even born. Then why even let my mom be pregnant? Why would He do that if he already knew what was going to happen? Why even make us if He doesnt care about what we think or how we really feel? Why would he let us have "free will" if its not really free? I mean, He already knows who is going to Heaven and Hell, He made us so the ones who are going to Hell wouldnt say, "Thats not fair." Why make us if He already knows everything thats going to happen. Its not even free will then, its an illusion of free will. Because everything is already mapped out, right? Its confusing, hurts my brain to think about it. It's like a giant game of sims. Like, God plays this little game just for his amusement. Except it's better than Sims because God already knows EVERYTHING! This is probably a very blasphemes blog right here, and for that I apologize. I just dont know what to think.


Question dos: Why cant I have a boyfriend of another religion? God already knows whats going to happen. He knew I was going to like this "boy" a lot. He knew that since the world began. He gave me these feelings of intense emotions, this nervousness when my lungs and heart get stuck to my skin and I can hardly breathe. So why cant I do anything about this? My Christian friends arent happy that I like a boy from a different religion. I know my parents wont be happy when they find out (which I know they will). But WHY?! People can call themselves Christian and be fake. Look at me. Look at my two ex boyfriends. At least when they were with me they werent Christian. I hate it! I hate the way everyone wants to run a piece of my life. Urgghh!!!
This blog is already extremely long and I wouldnt want to bore you, so I'll write some more whenever. Also my brain is turning to mush and So i guess it would be best to just...stop now and take some deep breaths and check my aim. so see ya later...
<3 Hla ThaZin