Him <3

He makes me Delirious.
But will it ever work out? We come from two different religions, two different cultures, two different countries. How much are we really willing to sacrifice to be with each other. I dont know that yet. All I know right know is that I like being with him and that he gives me the flutters. I've never felt this way before, about anyone. So I really dont know where this is going to take me, but I'm ready for an adventure...

Ninja Star

First things first and that would be the ninja star. The Coolest thing ever, possibly. 100% made by me, well, except for the paper and the ink. But I think the rest of it I made myself.
So uh, here it is:

The Ninja Star in all its glory!!!

"You know I wouldn't lie, such a terrible thing to do. So let the words on this ninja star, Ring True..."

"Ninjas are swift and silent, Kinda like the way I fell for you. No one makes me feel the way you do, So does that mean I love you?"

Also...He said yes, that he likes me. That boy. Yea, im so happy and excited right now, I can barely wait until tomorrow...

Good Friends, Summer Fun

Wai Wai

Questions?!? Confusing Facts? What is this?

Hey! This is more of a rant than anything else, not really something interesting about me life or something funny. Nope! I'm just an angry little girl who needs to vent. Some things are just questions that no one seems to want to answer. I ask and I ask but no one either, 1. knows the answer, 2. knows how to answer, as in put it into words, or 3. wants to answer.


People, especially my mom are forcing me, yeah thats basically it, forcing me, to love people that I really have no desire to love. One would be two of my little sisters. Yes, I know its mean and cruel and just about everything else. But I'm so sick and tired of them being little brats and never getting in trouble. Or how my mom always defends them. Maybe its because when they get into trouble she forgives them right away and never gives them any tough love or anything. Me? I get in trouble and my mom hates me for days. I never seem to do anything right in her eyes. Well, maybe its just a common teen age feeling. It probably is and since Im a teen ager Im over exatrating just to draw attention to myself. I seem to do that a lot you know. But wait! Theres more. She also wants me to love my ex-boyfriend. Why? Because she loves him and wants him to be happy. I dont hate him, and he never did anything really wrong. Nothing more than have a relationship with me. When I think about it, I dont know why we HAD to be together right then. It may have ruined our chances for actually having a future together. Probably. So yea, right now I'm not feeling too much love toward him, maybe because I'm hiding it, maybe because its lost. Who Knows?!!

Now on the the topic of religion. Yikes! I know I know, why did I have to bring religion into this? Or why am I even thinking about it. A couple of things, really, I'm pretty sure they're important. Question (because these are really questions that no one has answered for various reasons) uno: If God doesnt care about us, why would he bother making us? Or why should we believe in a god who doesnt care? Example: My little brother died this last February and I;ve really, really struggled with it. So I was talking to me friend the other day and she told me, "God doesnt care what you want. He knew that Sammy was going to die before Chunky (my little sister) was even born. Then why even let my mom be pregnant? Why would He do that if he already knew what was going to happen? Why even make us if He doesnt care about what we think or how we really feel? Why would he let us have "free will" if its not really free? I mean, He already knows who is going to Heaven and Hell, He made us so the ones who are going to Hell wouldnt say, "Thats not fair." Why make us if He already knows everything thats going to happen. Its not even free will then, its an illusion of free will. Because everything is already mapped out, right? Its confusing, hurts my brain to think about it. It's like a giant game of sims. Like, God plays this little game just for his amusement. Except it's better than Sims because God already knows EVERYTHING! This is probably a very blasphemes blog right here, and for that I apologize. I just dont know what to think.


Question dos: Why cant I have a boyfriend of another religion? God already knows whats going to happen. He knew I was going to like this "boy" a lot. He knew that since the world began. He gave me these feelings of intense emotions, this nervousness when my lungs and heart get stuck to my skin and I can hardly breathe. So why cant I do anything about this? My Christian friends arent happy that I like a boy from a different religion. I know my parents wont be happy when they find out (which I know they will). But WHY?! People can call themselves Christian and be fake. Look at me. Look at my two ex boyfriends. At least when they were with me they werent Christian. I hate it! I hate the way everyone wants to run a piece of my life. Urgghh!!!
This blog is already extremely long and I wouldnt want to bore you, so I'll write some more whenever. Also my brain is turning to mush and So i guess it would be best to just...stop now and take some deep breaths and check my aim. so see ya later...
<3 Hla ThaZin

Circle of Sunshine!

Today I got to see three of my best friends..ever! Tay Ba, Zu Byan, and Tun Tun were at tutoring. I wanted to hang out with them so bad, but Sam Si really needed my help with her homework. It made me sad that I couldnt hang out with them outside the apartment, but I was happy that they had come by to visit me and that they stayed to be with me for a bit. We had a really awesome time, talking about girlfriends and boyfriends.

"Tay Ba, Why dont you have any homework? Did your boyfriend do it for you?"-Me
"I bet he did. He's very handsome you know!"-Sam Si
"I dont have a boyfriend! Be quiet, you dont know anything!!"-Tay Ba
"Well, Zu Byan has three girlfriends." -Sam Si
Puzzled look on Zu Byan's face. "What?!! I only have one girlfriend, and that would be G-W-E-N, Gwen."
Now the puzzled look is on Sam Si's face. "Huh? Is that true?"
I laugh and say that it is. "It's true, Zu Byan's my boyfriend."
I think everyone believed us, except for maybe Tay Ba and Tun Tun. Why would they, even if they know its gonna happen? They're our best friends and they cant be tricked so easily. I really hope everything works out, cuz I really, really, really like that boy. He makes my heart smile :]

About Sam Si. She told me that she got an A+ on the math paper I helped her with. That made me so happy because, 1. Im terrible at math, 2. That means she's understanding, and 3. I've never gotten an A+ before, esp. not in math. Sam Si also learned how to add, subtract, multiply, and divide variables. I was so proud of her. I never knew I could be so proud of someone I 1. barely know and 2. even someone who's been my friend for a very long time, being proud of something small.

Today was a really awesome day, I can barely believe that its already Thursday. Those would be my friends, lifting me up when I really need it and not even knowing it.

My Day

Today was pretty awesome...except I didnt get to see them :[ although seeing Wai Wai certainly made up for it. I love that boy so much. seven years old, chubby cheeks, and when he says, "kiss kiss." i cant help but lean my cheek down for him.

That's Wai...My awesome Homeboy, my lover, my baby. I cant wait to see him tomorrow. and i gotta teach his mom English, that might be awkward. But I also cant wait to see Zu Byan, Tun Tun, ThaZin (the other one), Tay Ba, Za Kay Ra, and all the new freshman.
Things were weird for a while, with Tun Tun acting funny towards me. But now I know everything is all right, he punched me in the cheek and called "Gwaing" 60 times. Friendship :] yep. And seeing Tay Ba made me feel so happy. Getting bear hugged by her, and walking around the complex holding hands makes me so happy inside, like being encased in her love...

Tay Ba <-------------------->Tun Tun, (ME!!), Za Kay Ra, and Zu Byan

Tay Ba

I saw her today, in all her beauty. I saw her and I wanted to jump into her, so be held in her arms, to feel her breath against my cheeks.
I saw her today, and I wanted to smell the delicious sent of her hair, to walk hand-in-hand with her, to show her off to the world.
I saw her today, I heard her laugh, that's all I really need. No one quite compares to her, everyone else pales and dulls when stood next to her.
I saw her today and I remembered how much I missed her this summer, How no matter now many hugs I received, hers was the one I needed the most.
I walked with her today, to the place that no one knows. I talked to her, those faint whispers that no one remembers tomorrow.
I saved up the memories of her, in my heart, to pull out when I'm lonely. She's the almost the only one who can make it disappear.
I look for her everyday, hoping to see her. I dont know who I love the most: This girl or the boy who makes me heart thump wildly.
They have a power over me, something no one else can understand, and I like it that way. Like a secret that will never be told.
It doesnt need to be...
I saw her today, I walked with her, I was happy, who could ask for anything more? I hugged her today, I told her that I missed her.
I saw my best friend....

Sunday Afternoon

Sunday Afternoon surely falls into Monday Morning. How I dread those sudden changes, my freedom being exchanged for a prison. what!?! Yes, I'm talking about school. I hate it so much, and I'm not good at it. I try so hard and yet I can never make it. :[ Oh well, thats not the point right now. I really am going to tell you about my Sunday afternoon.
I went to church and my day wasnt going so well, but then my big sister came and I felt so much better!! She was there and it was great! But alas, thats not what I really wanted to share either...
I learned how to drive!!! there it finally came out, the right words connecting so powerfully. Dont be scared, its ok. I dont have my permit or anything which is really a funny story. I'm almost fifteen, so I cant get my permit yet. So my best friend Tim promised me that he would teach me how to drive. Yesterday we went to the park and I drove for like, 30 minutes!! I didnt crash either..Yes! But I almost drove into a ditch. haha. So I was practicing turning around a tree, when Tim asked me, "Is that a cop!?!" I looked up and I was like, "Yeah, it is..crap!" I wanted to hit the brake, but instead I hit the accelerator and we kept moving toward the tree. I finally figured out how to brake and we stopped so suddenly. wow! And then Tim has these weird seatbelts and I couldnt get myself out of the car. I bolted out and we got situated right as the cops came. The funny thing was, we were parked on the grass and we werent supposed to be. Also the cops just looked at my brother who was playing with my little sister Chunky, so strangely. Yeap, that was weird. Fun Times, Fun Times....
After the whole cop thing, Tim wouldnt let me drive anymore, because he was scared of getting his drivers license taken away. So we played at the park, the park was like a jungle! We were crossing over the creeks, and branches, and fallen trees, and through the mud. With Chunky whos just under two years, passing her back and forth, carrying her above her head through the thorns. Yes, today was great!!!

Life Itself

Life...Wow. Not something I'm enjoying a whole lot right now. But its ok, not perfect, not great, but ok. I'm making it through, which is prolly one of the most important things. Life ( esp. when you're a teenager) is like a battle, some get through it just fine, others have a bit of trouble, maybe some gun fire, but they make it. Still others can only make it through those years barely, just barely. and They have the cuts and scars to prove it. I dont know which type I am yet. Sure I have scars, but they're not real noticeable. I guess thats good sometimes, like when i meet new people. I wouldnt want them staring at my arms or something. But then there are those Times when I want a scar, a marking so deep it will never heal. So i can look back and remember the pain. Yeah, its weird, sometimes i only think of the scar as a way to remember the pain, not get rid of it. I read this great book, The Runner, Its about a guy named Bullet and he's a cross country runner. Theres something about it that makes me want to meet him, makes me wish that he wasnt some fictional character. I have the feeling that if I met him in real, true, life I would make him my best friend. That saddens me, that He isnt real. He reminds me of someone, when I figure out who, I will tell... Hmm something that is really eating me up right now is boys. Yeah, im a teen age girl who called herself beautiful and now I'm talking about boys. No, Im not some vain prep girl who cant get enough of herself. Thats not it at all. I just have some weird Charm that guys seem to eat up. But thats beside the point. So theres this one guy, who I like..A lot! like so much i can hardly breathe when im around him. We both left this summer, to go and work different places. When he left, I knew he liked me and I'm pretty sure he knew I liked him. But when I come back, it seems he has a girlfriend, but i dont know if hes lying or not. So yeah I dont know what to do. I think Im going to tell him anyways. But he doesnt speak English as a first language, which makes me worried how much we'll be able to communicate about our feelings. Now we do fine, talking and laughing but who knows??? I dont speak Burmese at all.. well, like a one over a gazillionth percent which is really, really, small.. so yeah thats sucks...But I dont know what to do. Ive never really had boy trouble like this. But my gut is telling me to go for it, even if i get burned. and most of the time, my gut is right. so yeah, but im still nervous... Thats it for now i guess...Who would read about my life, i have no clue. When i talk about it, it seems so much more fun. And since you prolly dont know me, well it seems even more distant, maybe like a fairy tale...see you soon ok? ^.^ <3 Hla ThaZin

Thats me!! The Pale one, with two of my best friends!! Wai Wai and El Nay. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll hear about them soon. We're farmers, chewing on our weed, haha!!

The Broken

Tears are falling
Softly Lulling
Her into a sleep
Of the Very deep

Pain no more
Blood and Gore
Not a problem
To her Anymore

Hearts are Breaking
Never Waking
Nothing can be done
To save this little one

This is a poem I wrote about a little girl. The little girl was so beautiful, with dark eyes, a round mouth, and shiny brown hair. Everyone loved the little girl so much, because of her infinite beauty. They thought that one day, she would grow up and be this amazing model. But then they found out that her daddy was abusing her. He would hit her and call her names. He would give her bruises and scrapes. But the little girl loved her daddy, she thought he didnt mean to do it. So she would never tell. But one day, he hit her on the back of her head. She cried softly, so he wouldnt hear, so he wouldnt come back. But she could feel herself getting woozy, floating out of this world. And so...She died. When everyone heard about it, they were surprised and their hearts were broken for never noticing it and not helping her. The End.